Wednesday, March 09, 2005

How screwy is this????

So, there I am, getting my ass shot off in a Slayer match at Beaver Creek. My friends are all screaming at me to take out the "fucking sniper before he wipes out our entire unit" I rarely get together with these guys for our randomly scheduled "Halo Nights" and now I see why. I am the missing link when it comes to video games, I dont play enough to be good, because I dont have the time to dedicate to something that is admittedly "mindless, yet incredibly challenging." After I got our entire team wiped out by failing to take the sniper out, I had had enough. I was wiped, and I was going home. "Screw Halo"

My very good friend whos house we are playing this stupid game that I suck at is always a cordial guest, that is, as cordial as guys go. He always offers beers and snacks and is a welcoming kind of guy, so as I get up to leave, out of either politeness or out of haste to get me away from his video game, he escorts me to the door. We engage in a small talk that is meant to last just long enough to get me to my car without dragging out any real conversation. "So man, you still looking for a new car?", he says. "Yeh, I can't wait to get rid of that piece of shit!". And at the same time, as I'm pointing to my "piece of shit", I realize, where is my "piece of shit?"

Strong, Loud, Resonating, Nieghbor waking laughter ensues. My piece of shit is gone, and my friends think it is funnier than hell.

"911, what is your emergency?"

The following night, almost exactly 24 hours after the incident, my phone rings. "Mr. Brown?" The authoritive voice on the other end of the cordless says. "Yes, this is Neal Brown." "Mr. Brown this is Detective Blah,blah,blah from the indianapolis police dept."
Of course, I knew exactly what was neext. "How is it?" I asked, not really wanting to know the answer, but feeling like I need to be brave enough to ask. "Well, it has some very significant damage, you see, it was used in a hit and run, so as you might expect, it is able to run, but not very well." "Okay"
"The passenger was apprehended, but the driver got away (which my friends is a whole other post)." "No one was injured, and we feel confident that we will get the other boy." "Okay"
"The bad news for you Mr. Brown (AS IF I NEEDED MORE), is that the detectives in a an affort to put together a case agianst the suspects has placed a hold on the vehicle, which means that it has been taken to the city's impound lot and and must remain there until the detectives conclude thier investigation." "Wow, this sounds serious."
"Which means," he started with less of an authoritative tone and more of a "ok, you ready for this shit?" tone. The towing company charges $85.00 for the tow and an additional $10.00 a day storage fee." "Wha?"
"So how long will it have to be in "storage?" "About seventy two hours which means you can pick it up at around eleven o'clock thursday night." "Wha?"

"So let me get this straight. My car gets stolen. Two teenagers take it out joyriding, definitely making fun of my choice of music to the point where they are throwing CD's out of the window as they are laughing at the 'moron' who left his keys in the car." They hit something, trash my beautiful truck, and the only guy that Boss Hogg and Cooter can pin with Grand Theft Auto (another video game I suck at) gets away. AND, you are going to hold my car hostage, and charge me for it?"
"Yes sir, I'm afraid so." "How screwy is this?"
This is a true story, slightly embellished, but "thats how I roll."